My Ex Rocks
There will be folks out there that will read this post and get all irritated in their bizness and spit at me with, “Jodi, you are wrong! I reunited with my ex and we have a beautiful family and a successful marriage.” If you did get back with your ex and it’s working out. Good on you. Seriously. Cuz life is too short and if you fall in love and you BOTH want each other that badly, get on it. But for the rest of us (myself included), we need to get over it.
My life motto is “Live in the Moment.” I picked this up from improv and I feel it really pertains to everday life. If you’re living in the moment, you’re not living in the past. If you’re with your ex, be with them IN THAT MOMENT. Let your memories float in the past. Appreciate the past, let it be, then see what’s right in front of you.
Moving on sucks at first and sometimes it sucks for a long time. Holding on to the past, the should’ve/would’ve/could’ves does not help you to move forward in life. There’s so much happening right now that demands your presence and will help you to grow further into the person you want to be. People you love will come and go in life, be happy that you met them and experienced wonderful moments with them, and then respectfully let them exist. Don’t dismiss the memories, just say “Thanks” and refocus on what’s happening right now your life.
The term EX
One of the things I used to do was talk about my ex. It’s a poisonous thing to do. It’s annoying for the listener and painful for you. A friend of mine gave great advice on how to get over this one:
- When talking about an ex (any ex), refer to them as a friend … ex: “I saw that movie with a friend, it was really good.” It really takes the heat off the actual topic. It also doesn’t make the other person feel awkward (especially if you’re on a date). And it diffuses the memory…
- When telling a story about an ex and subbing the word “friend,” you’ll find that some of the stories you’re telling are only for your benefit. Meaning, you’re only telling a particular story to relive the memory. When you put “friend” in for “ex” you quickly find out when you’re doing this cuz you’ll realize you’re story is dumb…or, ah, unbeneficial to the listener.
Go far away from them. Seriously. Stop seeing your ex. I’m not talking about a couple of weeks either. I’m talking months or even years. There’s too much temptation to want to go back as friends, and then before you know it –“HOLLA”– you’re sleeping with him/her and arguing and somehow it’s just not working out again. Cut that crap out. You’re too good for the drama and it does too much hurt on your pretty little heart.
Another thing my friend recommended to do is when you’re thinking about your ex or daydreaming about getting back with them, quickly think about something else that’s going on in your life…preferably something positive.
I’ve heard people use the “but my kid loves him/her” excuse. Um…it’s your child(s). Your chillen’ is going to want what’s best for you, and even though it may lighten your kiddo’s face when he/she sees him/her, it’s tearing you inside. I don’t think your kid wants you to be miserable. I think your kid wants you to be happy and in love with the person that is right for you and will make you happy. Not someone who’s almost awesome if you change 1 or 2 or 3 things about them.
It gets better
Sometimes I think, “Man, but that guy was perfect!” Perfection pertains to each individual’s love of another. Did that make sense? We all have our flaws. That’s what makes us human. A person’s imperfection is their perfection. Another friend said to me, “We’re all messed up. We just have to find the other person who is as equally messed as yourself. Equal messes equal balanced love.” I think he was right on point. What’s also been happening with me is that with every guy I’ve dated or had a crush on, the next guy is better than the last. They just keep getting better and better. So if that last guy was sooooo close to being “it,” then the next one will be just that much closer.
Now lets get over our exes with a little jam by Linkin Park “Waiting for the End”